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take some time for these wounds to mend.
posted Jun 10 2018, 03:24 PM
PLAYED BY SUGAR // SHE AND HER // DAYTIME SHOOTING STAR, SUZUME YASANO
"they're gone, shi. moping around the house and refusing to go their grave isn't going to help anything. we have to move on. you have to move on. that's what they would have wanted," your older sister chides you as she hangs by your door. she's meant to sound more motherly but the hurt in her words makes it all futile. it's obvious what she wants: just wants you to be okay.
you're tucked away in bed, the same as the day before and the day before that. everything else in your room is untouched, like your bed is the only place you can exist now. but she only needs to look more closely to see the dark, evident bruises developing beneath your eyes. you keep your eyes closed, but the vibrant blue has been dull since you got the news.
"go away," you utter, voice cracked but the message clearly portrayed.
she looks at you in disbelief, turns away from the door and heads downstairs. away from you, just like you want.
they give you two weeks of a grieving period before you're expected to resume classes. your sister agrees with the allotted time, has already returned to attending college because it creates purpose in her life. you're listless, hopeless, and a fifteen year old who is left on your own since your parents are gone. they won't ever set you on the right path again.
you are finally forcibly returned to your former schedule a month later. but you find that you've been expelled for truancy and failing grades. they supply you with another farce of a reason for your expulsion because they are a private academy and can't risk someone leaving a blemish on their reputation. your sister is infuriated but you don't seem to give a damn. you're enrolled in the public school in your country, ridgeview high. "it's going to be a new start. c'mon, you'll love it. no one knows you there. you can be whoever you want," she assures on your first day. she insisted that she drop you off, made time in her schedule because it was a 'big moment.'
she's wrong. you scream that at her after you get home. it's a long day, one you weren't bracing yourself for because a glimmer of hope had actually existed within you.
everyone knows about the home invasion, the fact that you're an orphan, and your fall from grace at your last school. you hear them whisper; they say you're depressed, suicidal, and you probably won't make it through the year. you slam the door shut to your bedroom and sob, the first time you've cried since hearing about your parent's death.
you were somebody before all of this. at least, that's what you remember. one memory stands out vividly, even though it feels like from another lifetime: "there's no way you made by yourself. i've never even seen you use a sewing machine, shi," your friend says to you as she lazes on your bed. she's inspecting a distressed denim skirt you had laying out. she gushed out compliments about it before you told her that you fashioned it together all on your own.
you're sitting by your desk but you bolt up immediately, eager to prove her wrong. shuffling over to your closet, you firstly pull out the shiny, pristine sewing machine you begged your parents to buy for you earlier in the year. then you pull out every article of clothing you have created for the past year. there aren't many because you are deliberate and methodical, but each of them is impressive and the quality is of the same caliber.
"oh my god, shiloh. these are beautiful. you need to make me something!" she shrieks, her hands running over the embroidery of a flowy shirt. you are grinning, practically beaming ear to ear. this is something you're proud of. you love the feeling, don't ever want it to go away. when did that feeling go away?'
you have an outburst. but only one.
it's shortly after you've transferred, the very beginning of sophomore year. all of the melancholy and rage from your parents unexpected departure sits heavily on your shoulders. it's astounding that you're showing up as often as you do, but your fellow peers haven't made it any easier on you. they don't. they make it all the more unbearable.
"you gonna tuck your tail between your legs and give in when you're scared? just like your parents did?" someone sneers to you when you try to walk by. that's all you were doing, walking down the hall to try and make it to your next class before the bell rang.
your composure crumbles completely, any semblance of control melts in that very moment. ire wells within you but there are no words that would give you the solace that you sought. instead, your books go tumbling to the ground and you thrash around to face the dumbass who dared to open their mouth. in a swift, fluid motion your fists connects with their face and blood begins to spill from their nose.
you're suspended for a week. you don't regret it. when you come back, you swear all you're going to be is invisible.
1. her parents died in a home invasion at the beginning of her sophomore year. neither her or her sister we home because they were attending one of shiloh's field trips. a part of her blames herself.
POSITIVES dogmatic, assertive, debonair, resilient, astute, thrifty NEGATIVES saturine, cantankerous, cynical, heedless, presumptuous, resentful QUIRKS stays in bed until noon, takes late night walks, bums cigarettes, procrastinator extraordinaire
NO MO' RULEZ
posted Jun 10 2018, 11:25 PM
welcome to the site!
okay, first of all. i'm sad. second of all, i'm sad. i need to protecc this child with my life. things will get better, shi! you'll see!
don't forget to do your claims!