MISFITS
A HIGH-SCHOOL
CLIQUES RP
FEB 03 — VALENTINES DAY events are up! check 'em out!

FEB 02 — HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MISFITS!

influence
ELITES SHOW UP IN CROWDS AT WINTER'S BALL!
355
270
380
290
430
280
290
ELITESJOCKSFRINGESCREATIVESDELINQUENTSNERDSLONERS
JAN '18



 
Add Reply
New Topic
New Poll

 BE MORE CHILL, FT. CECILY
aster IS CURRENTLY Offline
sixteen
male
Loner
junior
bisexual
ice cream scooper
14 POSTS
It feels easy to disappear in the crowd sometimes.

It is easier when people don't really notice that he's there. It is better kept that way, he thinks, because then people leave him alone. No one tries to say hi and that saves him the trouble of thinking up some half-hearted conversation that he doesn't want to be in. No one tries to trap him into going into some event. No one tries to bother him. No one even realizes he's alive and while he is thankful for it, there is something about actually realizing that he is invisible that unsettles him.

She chimes in that he has always been alone.

What does he need people for?

He will always have her. Yun has no need for the company of others when he has her. She is the only person he needs. She is the only one who ever understands what is in his mind. She is the only one who ever needs to think, needs to be with him. She's the only one he needs, she insists. She is the only one who won't call him a freak or look at him odd.

She's the only one he needs, but her insistence on the fact does little to ease the wave of nausea that follows. It does even less to settle the anxiety that sinks to the bottom of his stomach like a rock. Her hysteric cries of embarrassment only worsen the situation when he opens his mouth but not a word comes out.

He only manages out a choked sound before hand claps over mouth and he rushes out the door without so much as waiting for permission and he feels it: eyes, burning into the back of his head.

Now it's an issue of too many people noticing as he pushes past people in the hall, mumbling apologies before sweeping at last into the restroom and shutting the stall door behind him. Yun falls to his knees and clutches the toilet and retches until there is nothing left in his stomach, nothing left to spit out and the unicorn bows her head against his.

She whispers: I will never leave you.

He is unmoving when he hears a knock on the door to the stall.

@open. yun got anxious bc no one noticed him and then got anxious bc people noticed him. such is the life.
Why don't you lock me up with joy and kisses? Lock me up with love? Chain me to your heart's desire I don't want you to stop Lock me in and hold this moment, never get enough Ain't no way I'm ever breaking free Lock me up
Breaking Free
FLOSS IS CURRENTLY Offline
i wanna play where you play with the angels!
SEVENTEEN
FEMALE
Fringe
JUNIOR
HOMOSEXUAL
MUSICIAN
29 POSTS
She clutched her hall pass with a little more zeal than was necessary, as she wound her way back through the halls. She wasn't such a stickler for the rules that she feared being asked why she was out between classes - she had a valid excuse, after all, in the form of a nurse's slip in her back pocket.

Volleyball expertise aside, she'd skidded hard on the field during gym and been sent to the office for some antiseptic and a bandage or two. Scrapes all tucked away under her clothes and hair let loose from her typical buns, she meandered toward the science hall, silently debating the merits of going into a lesson late.

A clatter sounded up ahead, though, and she snapped out of her reverie in time to see a familiar student dashing out of a classroom. From the hair color and the long lope of his escape, it was Yun - but he disappeared around a corner in an unsteady gait before she could say anything, leaving only a feeling of upset that magnified when an irate teacher's call came from the room he'd left.

Cecily stepped to the doorway and poked her head in, waving her hall pass gently. "Um, Mister Elsworth? I'm on my way between classes right now." Unminding of the eyes on her as she called to the teacher, she offered a reassuring grin, trying her best to look helpful. "I can go check on Yun, if that's alright with you?"

It wasn't like she'd understand today's physics lecture, anyway.

- - -

A few minutes later she knocked gently on the stall door, having hesitated only a second outside the men's room before entering. "Yun? You okay in there, buddy?"

aster IS CURRENTLY Offline
sixteen
male
Loner
junior
bisexual
ice cream scooper
14 POSTS
He can feel his chest collapsing, collapsing, collapsing.

The ivy holding his body together is snapping and the ivory is falling apart, one bone collapsing after another like a hand falling open. It's falling open, it's falling open. Arms tighten about his person, hands trembling and he's breathing. He's breathing? Is he breathing? Is he breathing? He's trying to hold himself together but the bile keeps rising in his throat, the sour taste in his mouth won't go away. It won't go away. He wants to rip it out. She whispers quietly: close your hands around your throat.

His grip tightens.

She's laughing. Why is he so upset? What is he so afraid of? Didn't he want to be alone? Didn't he want to be noticed? He wanted to be noticed. He wanted people to notice he was alive, but now he didn't? How ungrateful. How could anyone ever want to be around him when he didn't even know what he wanted?

Is he still breathing?

She's laughing again. Look: now he's gone and done it. He's embarrassed himself and now everyone's thinking of him. They're all thinking he's a freak. He's a monster. He's a creep. It's things he's always known. He's always known this is what they thought, but the realization is crippling and his ribcage is collapsing again and he's falling to pieces. He's falling apart again. Someone will notice. No, no one will notice. No one will notice. No one ever notices — his breath hitches in his throat when he hears. Did someone notice?

She whispers: they only noticed because you're fucking pathetic. Look at you.

Before he can even think of an answer, his voice comes out in a choked sob and Yun is startled into silence because he hadn't even noticed he started crying. God, god, god. He started crying. He started crying and now Cecily is going to think he's some kind of freak. She's going to think he's so messed up. She's going to hate him for the rest of her life and they wouldn't be friends anymore and he would be all alone again ( she whispers: they were never friends don't be stupid ) he'd be all alone again he'dbal l l a aor l hed be al l o ne a gain — he doesn't realize he started screaming.

cecily wolfe sorry there isn't much dialogue here! he's very much in his own head right now so he doesn't quite know how to respond. ;v;
Why don't you lock me up with joy and kisses? Lock me up with love? Chain me to your heart's desire I don't want you to stop Lock me in and hold this moment, never get enough Ain't no way I'm ever breaking free Lock me up
Breaking Free
FLOSS IS CURRENTLY Offline
i wanna play where you play with the angels!
SEVENTEEN
FEMALE
Fringe
JUNIOR
HOMOSEXUAL
MUSICIAN
29 POSTS
So he wasn't okay, clearly.

Yun's shadow shifted slightly behind the door and she heard a little sob, screwed into him tight and barely audible. At the sound she pressed close, worry blooming cold - "Yun?"

No answer, of course, but the stall door was locked and didn't give way when she pressed against it. "Yun," she tried again, in between the harsh bursts of breath she could hear. "I wanna make sure you're okay, buddy - could you let-,"

She wasn't built or taught to handle anxiety, but after meeting Yun she'd at least done a little reading, hoping to help. She didn't mention having done it, wary of coming across pretentious.

When he started screaming she dropped her bag, ignoring the clumsy thump of books on the floor as she darted into the neighboring stall. No time or space to crawl under, especially in a bathroom - she put a foot unceremoniously on the paper dispenser and scrambled up, the thin wall shaking as she hauled herself over one leg at a time. "Sorry, Yun, I'm gonna try not to kick you!"

He couldn't hear her, maybe, but it was polite to announce oneself. Somehow she dropped down harmlessly, eeling between him and the wall and wrapping an arm around his waist firmly. "Hey, hey!" In close quarters the timbre of her voice went down, modulating into something warm and relaxed. "I'm here, okay?"

She spared half a glance for the state of the stall before pulling him aside, leaning herself against the wall with him tucked back against her. "Breathe, bud." She took an unnecessarily dramatic breath, her chest filling with a swoop of air so he'd feel the motion. "Just in for a few, then out, okay? Hwoo-,"

She could unlock the door now, maybe, but manhandling Yun out into the bathroom proper would hardly be helpful. For the moment she kept him in the circle of her arms, pressed somewhere between intimate and clinical as she tried to synchronize his breathing with hers.

aster IS CURRENTLY Offline
sixteen
male
Loner
junior
bisexual
ice cream scooper
14 POSTS
He's slipping, he's slipping.

He's the dead cicadas on his mother's patio. He's that rabbit in that stray dog's mouth. He's the city, slipping, sinking, burning. He's burning, oh god. Oh god, oh god, put it out. His grip on his shoulders tighten, knuckles white as the blunt edges of his nails dig deeper in a bid to flay the very flesh from his bones. The breaths quicken, but he doesn't hear them.

He hears nothing but his racing pulse and her painful shrieks as she cries out again and again for him to rip his hair out of his skull and to tighten his hands around his throat instead because he deserves to be dead, dead, dead.

Is he still breathing?

His gaze manic, head swiveling back and forth as if looking for something to focus on. He barely registers when he retches again. Is he breathing? His throat aches, raw and violent as clumsy hand retreat from his person to shove at the other instead. Don't touch him, don't touch him, don't touch him — he shoves and hits, wailing pathetically at the top of his lungs. ( Don't hurt her, he whispers. ) Yun-xu sobs, the cries only just stifled as he feels the faint throb in the heels of his hands and only then does he register that Cecily is holding him.

She's holding him.

The hysterics don't fade all at once, though the static in his head quiets some. Breaths unsteady, hands still tremble but the screams are fading into quiet and angry apologies because she doesn't deserve this. He wishes she hadn't seen him. He wishes she just left him be. Left him alone the way he deserved to be because he was a mess and he hit her and he hit her and oh god, he hit her. ( But he wasn't alone and that meant something, didn't it? )

Deep breaths. In for a few, then out. In for a few, then out and the choked sobs become quiet and it's suddenly too cold now to keep sitting on the restroom floor.

Why don't you lock me up with joy and kisses? Lock me up with love? Chain me to your heart's desire I don't want you to stop Lock me in and hold this moment, never get enough Ain't no way I'm ever breaking free Lock me up
Breaking Free
FLOSS IS CURRENTLY Offline
i wanna play where you play with the angels!
SEVENTEEN
FEMALE
Fringe
JUNIOR
HOMOSEXUAL
MUSICIAN
29 POSTS
It wasn't an instant fix by any means, and she couldn't expect it to be. Yun's elbow dug into her gut once and she let out an involuntary oomph, resisting the urge to tighten her grip and shifting to accommodate the bowed hunch of his shoulders instead. She did raise a hand to gently redirect one of his, though, catching his wrist with the back of hers rather than curl fingers around him.

Through it he kept making those sounds, shards of anguish ember-bright and echoing in the confined space of the stall. She flinched away from an open palm that scraped aimlessly up the side of her face and leaned slightly back, twisting along with the natural torque of his thrashing until his back was to her chest and she could curl them both against the corner.

"In and out, that's it-," she'd been murmuring platitudes but now she remembered to guide, taking a few deep breaths again with her arms still belted around his middle. "You're okay, you're okay! In and out-,"

She'd think about how awkward it was later, to be sprawled on the bathroom floor with Yun essentially plastered to her front. Bit by bit their breathing evened out, Yun's voice filtering into a stream of apologies that Cecily tried to brush off as harmlessly as she could. "Don't be, bud. I'm fine! I'm tough," she declared, a little bravado seeping into her tone in attempts to lighten the mood.

There was a lull after that, in which she sat still and let him come slowly back. Somewhere in the middle of it she started humming, wandering through a few bars of a song she hadn't finished yet - though when he shuddered through a final sob and fell silent she stopped, her last few notes curling up into a questioning twirl. "How are you feeling? Am I holding on too tight?"

She remembered, distantly, that it should be up to him how to proceed. Better to ask one question at a time, though, and not overwhelm him - she did take the liberty of shifting a little on the floor, blowing a puff of air up at her stray bangs as they slid. Maybe she'd fix her hair later, since she was in...

Oh. The boys' room. Suddenly she was grateful for the twenty minutes or so they had until the bell rang, for more reasons than one.

aster IS CURRENTLY Offline
sixteen
male
Loner
junior
bisexual
ice cream scooper
14 POSTS
He is breathing again.

His too-thin frame still trembles in her arms, but his head is bowed against her chest and he takes the quiet comforts he can find in the bathroom stall to stave off the fears of what was to come after. He couldn't switch teachers again. Yun listens, quietly to the sound of her steady heartbeat. There was no periods left to transfer into, so he would have to deal with the looks of pity and apathy until the year ended. He listens, quietly to the sound of her humming. ( Is this a new song? )

He wishes, quietly, instead that Cecily had left him be so he could gag on his own vomit and die maybe.

He listens to the sound of the flickering fluorescent lights of the restroom and Yun-xu resists the urge to lift his head and recognize the difficult situation he put her in. Had he worried her? When was it that she had seen him and come running after? He mumbles another quiet apology into the fabric of her shirt, closing his eyes as he tries to rest. He just needs another moment. He just needs a few more seconds and he'll let go. He'll let her go and she can go back to her class, go back to being normal and they could just pretend like this didn't happen.

There is a miserable laugh that comes when he realizes his mother will, inevitably, hear about this and that she will look at him with that disappointed look she always does when he says that the antidepressants, the anti-anxiety, the anti-psychotics aren't working.

Five things he can see: Cecily, the bathroom tile, her pink cardigan, his hands, his jacket. Four things he can hear: her humming, her breathing, his breathing, what she says. He responds only with a quiet nod, his throat having relaxed some but burned raw from the sheer volume of it earlier. For something he so rarely used, it frightens him to know that kind of voice existed in him at all. ( Though, he admits he fears much inside of him and he wishes that for once maybe the medicine could actually work at the cost of losing her. )

The unicorn repeats, pressing her hoof against his back as he starts to wheeze. He's pathetic. He's useless. He keeps burdening other people. Look at poor Cecily and she's here when she should be in class because he keeps fucking up. He always does this, he always does this: he was supposed to be getting better he was supposed to —

Three things he can feel: the fabric of her clothes, the cold, her arms around him.

Two things he can taste: the salt of his tears, the bitterness of the bile that was in his mouth.

One thing he can smell: ... he doesn't think he wants to play that game.

His grip on her cardigan loosens some and Yun-xu remains, latched onto her as if she were the only thing still tethering him to this earth. ( And she is. ) "Thank you," he mumbles.

Why don't you lock me up with joy and kisses? Lock me up with love? Chain me to your heart's desire I don't want you to stop Lock me in and hold this moment, never get enough Ain't no way I'm ever breaking free Lock me up
Breaking Free
FLOSS IS CURRENTLY Offline
i wanna play where you play with the angels!
SEVENTEEN
FEMALE
Fringe
JUNIOR
HOMOSEXUAL
MUSICIAN
29 POSTS
He nodded slightly, prompting her to loosen her grip and take one wrist in the opposite hand. She stayed with arms looped around him, though, sensing he still needed some form of contact despite having calmed enough to sit still.

Now the silence outside the stall loomed, close to echoing of its own volition but for Cecily's humming. One of her notes stuttered down a half tone and she paused, clearing her throat gently to try it again - fourths were trickier for her somehow, and she lost herself in the attempt for a few seconds until Yun-xu wheezed once or twice.

Familiarity tapped on her memory, as if through two-way glass: the downswing after she cried was a perilous lurch, vulnerable to relapses of bitter embarrassment.

Familiarity also moved her hand before she was fully aware, and she caught herself only after she'd already petted him gently on the head a few times. Fingers stalling on pale blue locks, she grinned hesitantly down, even if he was still pressed cheek to collar with her. "Whoops. I, uh... is this alright?"

A little while longer: if he'd let her, Cecily would card her fingers carefully through the ends of his hair one last time, before reaching down to carefully nudge him on the cheek with one knuckle when he spoke. "You're very welcome!" Pulling herself carefully to the side, she shuffled around until she was more beside him than behind, hands settled lightly enough on his waist that he could pull away if he wanted. "I mean it."

Ducking her head a little, she made sure she caught his eye even for a flicker of a second, her smile small and relaxed. "I want to help, Yun. You don't have to feel burdened if having someone near helps you stay safe." That was about as firmly as she could put it, for better or for worse.

Time pushed at her, insistent, and she drew her knees up so she was crouching. "How d'you feel about getting some water?" Mindful of his reactions, she set about rising to her feet, tugging him gently along so they could exit the stall. There she hooked a foot inelegantly through the strap of her bag, pulling it upright, and stooped to snag an unopened bottle from the side pocket and offer it to Yun.

aster IS CURRENTLY Offline
sixteen
male
Loner
junior
bisexual
ice cream scooper
14 POSTS
It's different this time, he thinks.

Different in the he's not crying alone in a bathroom stall and wondering where he went wrong. Different in the he's not screaming and alarming the school security again. Different in the he's not in the nurse's office, thoroughly exhausted as they phone home for his mother again because he scared himself again or someone scared him or something scared him because something always does.

It's different this time, he thinks, because someone noticed he was very much Not Okay™ and then tried very hard to make things Okay™. Even if it was only for a little bit.

He's thankful for it. That Cecily was there. That she cared enough to at least try and help, he thinks, because he knows himself well enough to know he would have sat there for hours otherwise as she tries to kill him for the umpteenth time. ( He doesn't know what he did wrong. ) It's awful nice having someone here.

Even if she is only a bit taller than him and it's a little awkward to lean against her now for support.

He nods again in affirmation when she pats him on the head and then asks. It's fine. That's comforting. He needs comforting. He's mostly motionless as she rearranges them, Yun-xu moving only slightly to suit her. His nose and cheeks are red, his breath smells awful and he's pale like he's seen a ghost all at the same time. He's only sorry he might have made her uncomfortable or made a mess of her clothes because he kept crying and hitting her.

The embarrassment of the realization that he did those things at all in front of her makes him look away when she leans down to catch his gaze.

"Y, You ..." He tries again for the words, but can't quite get to them for better or worse so he nods again in agreement. She wants to help. He can ask her for help. He doesn't want to ask her for help too often though or maybe he'll be annoying or maybe she'll get tired. People always get tired of helping him. His mother gets tired too.

But Cecily is here for now.

And that is enough.

Yun-xu pushes himself up, sitting upright on his own with the assistance of the stall wall. Legs pulled in towards his chest, though everything in his body feels wrong. Feels like television static. He takes the bottle in shaking hands, working to still them before he manages to unscrew the cap and take small sips at the water. "Thank you." He says, staring intently at the tiles ahead of him instead of at her.

"Thank you." He repeats, again, because she deserves to know and he doesn't know what else to say except? "Thank you."

Her voice grows quiet.

Why don't you lock me up with joy and kisses? Lock me up with love? Chain me to your heart's desire I don't want you to stop Lock me in and hold this moment, never get enough Ain't no way I'm ever breaking free Lock me up
Breaking Free
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

Topic Options
Add Reply
New Topic
New Poll