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hey, i finally see that life is rosy! beautiful, yeah it's so wonderful!
posted Jun 12 2018, 12:41 AM
PLAYED BY ASTER // SHE/HER // KOISURU HARINEZUMI, OZAWA KII
you learn that growing up is hard when you're just five years old.
because nothing adults say ever makes any sense. you were doing great in kindergarten, so why do you have to go to the first grade? well, it's not really even kindergarten technically. it's more like preschool? except it's not really preschool, you guess. they don't call it that when you're living over there but they call that, that here so you suppose that here's right. but there's an awful lot about america that you don't think is really right, but it doesn't really matter because you're not there.
but being there is an awful lot different than it is being here except you're not quite sure where here is when you're five. you know that here there's a conbini just down the street and sometimes if you're good and it's hot, mom will buy you and nacchan popsicles. just one, but you can split the difference. and you always offer a part of yours to mom but she always says 'no thanks.'
mom doesn't like sweets much. she has more fun watching you and nacchan get it all over your faces, she says one day.
so, you smear it all over your face and it's dripping onto your dress and mom's getting mad at you. 'cause she said not to get your nice new dress dirty, but she just said she likes it when you get it all over your face! adults don't make any sense. you realize that when adults say something, they really mean something else. but that's not really important now because you're only five and when you make a mistake, mom doesn't really get mad. she just wipes off your face or your knee or your elbow and tells you to be more careful. she's just worried that you'll get hurt.
she says that a lot when you get older.
when you're twelve, you decide that you'd much rather be a grown-up than a kid.
it's not because you're going here and leaving there but it's kind of the same, but different. mom and dad yell at each other a lot more when you're twelve. mom's always mad that dad's staying at work. that he doesn't talk to her, but dad yells back about how he can't talk to her. how could he, when she's always gone? when she's always coming home, late and angry at the world? mom always gets really quiet after that. she stops taking you to the conbini. she stopped a long time ago, but you never really noticed because you were too busy growing up. you're twelve now, almost a year away from being technically a teenager. nacchan still walks home with you, but you both always pass the conbini on your way home. you don't like popsicles anymore.
it's what you like to tell yourself anyways now that mom and dad are divorcing. you don't really know what it means, so you ask your teacher when you get to school. you decide don't like it when you find out what it means. you decide you like it even less when it turns out that divorce means your parents are moving in two separate directions and taking just one of you with them and because mom always looks so sad and you know your dad is big and strong? you go with mom. nacchan goes with dad. ( a few years later, you come to regret it because nacchan is so sad with dad. dad doesn't love him the way he loves you and you hate him for it. ) you still wish you were an adult. maybe then you and nacchan didn't have to leave kyoto and you guys could stay here without them.
mom says you're moving to tokyo. you've always liked tokyo! you wanted to be a big city gal ever since you saw the fashionable, beautiful girls who practically lived in the shibuya ward.
now you're fourteen. it turns out you don't like tokyo very much. the other students don't think you're very funny. they don't like how loud you are and they don't like how dark your hair is or how bright your eyes are. you beg your mom to let you dye your hair and change your clothes. she doesn't come home much anymore. she doesn't talk much anymore, so you decide that this must be the least you can ask of her. you just want to be pretty like the other girls. she gets mad and tells you to stop being a child. no one likes a stupid girl, mom says. you never thought you were very smart, but you never thought she'd call you stupid.
now you're fifteen. you're much taller than all the other girls and much taller than all the boys and it makes you stand out even more than you already do with your too-big buck teeth and your knobby knees and your ugly, ugly black hair. you don't like the way you look because you feel like you look too much like a child when you compare yourself to the other girls in your grade. they don't say they wear make-up because that's not what pretty girls do. they wear it, but they make sure you know it before you even ask. you want to be just like them, but you've made a few friends in the last few years. you're still pretty to them. you're an adult.
sixteen and now you're in america, which is now the here and not the there. there is japan and here is america, but you don't really know if you'll like it here. you don't know much english and your mom isn't around much to help. you don't know if you like anything about america except everything is prettier and brighter and sometimes grosser. it's a job transfer, your mom said on the flight over. she had to work at this precinct for now. she won't tell you why and you don't really ask because you assume she knows what she's doing. she's an adult. you're almost an adult.
when you chop off your dark black hair and dye it a light brown? when you get rid of all your stupid school uniforms and trade it in for something better? when you work to get rid of your accent, your bad english? ( a new name, how you wish you had a new name! ) you realize growing up is hard. it's expensive. and most importantly?
you're only sixteen and you realize you haven't grown up at all.
POSITIVES dynamic, vivacious, adventurous, optimistic, empathetic, fearless, decisive, candid. NEGATIVES insecure, aggressive, childish, reckless, overzealous, overprotective, eccentric, impulsive. QUIRKS → carries two bedazzlers on her at all times.
→ tends to drop words by accident.
→ roller skates everywhere. everywhere.
→ bad at team sports.
→ obsessive, but pretty good at rhythm games.
→ once cried at a bucket of glitter.
"run, run, lost boy," they say to me, "away from all reality."
i was alive for the boy is mine
of the virgo
co-captain of nugget night
posted Jun 12 2018, 01:32 AM
welcome to the site!
aster shun is such a babe. bless her sweet little heart, and i truly hope with all my soul that she finds her footing in the world. SHE DESERVES THE BEST. #BRINGBACKNACCHAN
don't forget to do your claims!